It has been sometime since I’ve sent query letters out. Too busy with school (in my final semester). Never-mind the tribulations of the covid mess. However, I find the attractiveness of self-publishing becoming more glimmering. However, Self-Publishing is only for the financially solvent, and the supposed ridicule in a self-edited book would be too much. I know not if my manuscript is too unappealing to agents that it’s time to let it collect dust.
I toyed with the idea of putting it out for free, since I’ve grown tired of the project, and merely want to share my story. I’m not tired per se of the characters, story or otherwise, but the repeated research, query formation and rejection is such a suffering wheel that it makes me dizzy to think of delving into it again. Perhaps I fear I’ll become maimed should I just abandon this project. So much time and love put into it can just claw at one should they fail. It’s not merely the end of a project so much as it feels as though it is these characters’ deaths.
I’ve also batted around the idea of Webtoons or merely utilizing my Demo RPG game as a means of getting the story out there. The plotline of a ghost-seeing astral projectionist mayn’t be a marketable treat within the literary world at the moment, or perhaps the 10,000 other variables may be a hindrance. However, more comic-centric environments may be more fitting for the fantastical and combat-centric subject matter. Nevermind the ability to govern the artistic depictions. Cover art, character art and so on. I’m terribly uncertain as to what to do. This also may be an inevitable meditation due to having been rejected multiple times.
It is never said to be an easy thing to publish. Despite having finished the book two or three years ago and making occasional (sometimes substantial) edits, it’s been just sitting doing nothing. I’m dabbling in other stories, however, I enjoy this one the most. Perhaps I’m too close, perhaps it’s normal. Perhaps writing short stories just to get them out and finally have some sort of validation is what I need. Perhaps I’ve sunk myself too deeply in this. Perhaps not enough.
I hope you’re well whoever you are.
thirteen clovers 
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